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We at the Danger Run understand that many of you are new to the run and may need a little guidance when choosing your teammates. If you’re the driver, you’ll need someone (usually your shotgun passenger) to read each clue out loud for group consideration. (We don’t condone reading and driving at the same time). Other than that, the ideal team member pays attention, follows along in the clue book, and offers advice to the driver when (and only when) they have something valuable to contribute. You’ll be surprised at how often an otherwise quiet and seemingly uninvolved passenger will suddenly spot that critical landmark and identify the turn that would have been missed by the group. In a perfect Danger Run world, you’d have a carload of these types of teammates. Sadly, this is rarely (if ever) the case.
In order to maximize your enjoyment of your adventure (and have any chance of winning), there are certain types of teammates that you want, and others…not so much. So, we thought we would offer some fun, friendly advice by informing you what to watch for when picking your crew, and when applicable, what you can do should your teammates begin to exhibit some of these characteristics.
Those of you that have experienced the run before will know exactly what we are talking about. How many of these people have you had in your car?
THE GLOATER
Description: This person will offer no real assistance at all when solving the clues, but the second the realization that a wrong turn has been made he/she promptly says that they “Told you so” as if they had known all along that the turn was wrong. Of course, everyone in the car knows otherwise and to complete his/her cycle of irritating habits when an accurate turn is made he/she must claim the rights to its correctness despite his/her lack of assistance. This person will slowly drive you and your teammates to a breaking point in which the Gloater may be expelled from the car, at this point becoming the Tucker.
THE TUCKER
Description: There is a point of aggravation that is reached with any person in the car that is purely a Danger Run dunce. At this point, you and your teammates may decide to open the car door while moving and give a friendly shove. Before doing so, inform the person that tucking and rolling is the most efficient and safe way to land out of a moving car. As tempting as this may be, the Danger Run does not condone such an action. We suggest simply dropping him or her off at the nearest bus stop to avoid injury and accumulating additional mileage from the imbecile’s mistakes or annoyances, also called the Drop Off.
THE DROP OFF
Description: An easy and safe alternative to eliminate Danger Run morons from the vehicle, strongly advised over the Tucker. This person may also be an Early Bird.
THE EARLY BIRD
Description: This is the player in the car that begins the game with an extraordinary amount of enthusiasm and then fifteen minutes into the drive has fallen asleep like a baby in a car seat. This person offers no help to the game, but for serves as a target for excess debris accumulated on your trip. This in fact adds to the fun of the journey, but can be distracting from the task at hand - nailing the mileage. So, it may be helpful to make this person a Drop Off.
THE FORSEER
Description: This is the person in the car that reads every clue in the book, proudly announcing “Oh… I know where we are here! They’re taking us down River Road to Zorn by the Water Tower…” etc. etc. - All before you have left the Start Gate. In the best case scenario, this person (usually a guy) just spoils the fun for his teammates. However, the much more common and likely scenario is that this guy is clueless, which makes him even more annoying than The Tosser.
THE TOSSER
Description: Like the Forseer, this is the person in the car that immediately reads every clue in the book. But the Tosser promptly curses at the difficulty and predictably follows it with a violent throwing of his/her clue book. Be careful, this person can sometimes also be a Gloater and if this happens you simply roll up your clue book and offer a corrective swat to the head. However, in most cases he/she will be the Conceder.
THE CONCEDER
Description: This person willingly agrees to others’ answers to the clues as if they themselves had cracked the clue. Most times this is covered up by a “Yeah, that’s what I was thinking,” or a repeat of the answer as if he/she came up with the answer at the exact moment someone else did. This person acts more like a yes man in the car, but serves no real purpose. You may try insulting him or her in your directions to see if he/she agrees with that too. You never know!
THE HUMAN CALCULATOR
Description: This person is fluent in the art of Danger Run Math. He/she is capable of tracking mileage accumulated from wrong turns and quickly and accurately adjusts for the mistakes in order to give you the most accurate mileage possible. This situation, of course, is on a need to know basis because we, the crew of the Danger Run, are completely unaware of this occurrence. Danger Run Math, what’s that? A wonderful asset to have indeed!
THE HOMER
Description: This is the person in the car that knows all the streets of the area and will proceed to tell you exactly why he/she knows the streets so well, as if to add validity to his story. “I drove these streets on my route for 12 years.” In actuality, no one truly cares. Veteran Danger Runners know that prior knowledge of the streets (whether real or grossly exaggerated) is of no real benefit, as Danger Run clues are written so as not to reward such arrogance in any way. So, this guy may be more of an annoyance than a help and may require a polite “Shut the **** up.” This guy may also be the Reacher.
THE REACHER
Description: This guy can find any object and contort it to make his or her last answer the unequivocal right answer. In most cases this person is wrong and is merely just trying to validate his last misguided directive and/or conceal his idiocy. For instance, if the clue tells you to drive over water it does not mean to drive through a puddle. This generally implies a bridge and in no way has any implication that you are actually driving on top of water. This person’s word manipulation tends to fail and makes the person appear to be a bigger moron than any of you could have imagined. Be careful though, this person is typically a good salesman and may talk you into agreeing with his/her answer without you even realizing it. Your mileage consequences will be dire. Has Tucker potential.
OVER ANALYZER
Description: This person will read every clue multiple times, most often out loud, in order to find meaning to the word “the” in the sentence. For him/her everything in the clue has meaning and he/she is determined to find it out, as if the meaning of life were embedded within the Danger Run’s cryptic wording. This guy can be a good asset to have, but can also become a source of frustration and lead to extended drive times and blown mileage. May very quickly become the Arguer and result in becoming the Tucker.
THE ARGUER
Description: Two words, duct tape. Always have duct tape available for the potential of having an Arguer in the car. This person seems to find a reason to argue with anything in regards to a clue or otherwise. This makes for an unpleasant journey, especially if you are sitting between the people arguing. So, instead of attempting a Double-Tucker, the most efficient way to handle this problem is to pull out your handy duct tape and pull off two 6 inch strips and quickly smack it over their lips. This ensures a silence, at least until they are able to rip off the tape…it may escalate a bit from there, but the initial reaction should get the point across.
THE COMPLAINER
Description: No matter how far into the game, this person finds a reason to complain about anything. “I’m hungry” “We’re LOST”,“I have to go the bathroom,” or the always classic, “Are we there yet?” Many times this person could very quickly become the Tucker. However if this happens to you, stop in at one of the Speedway Safe Zones and purchase the smelliest combination of cheese and Slim Jims that you can buy. Upon getting into the vehicle, offer them a bite of your cheese, but mainly you want to gobble down this smelly mix as quickly as possible. Now, every time you whining compadre opens his/her mouth to talk simply take in a deep breath and blow out the fowlest stench you can muster right in their face…this is sure to quiet any whining party. This can be referred to as the "Hot Air Treatment." Beware, the initial shock will instigate a mild feud, but it is like passing a stone, painful at first with a lot of relief afterwards.
THE SPINNER
Description: This is the guy in the car that has been on the Danger Run every year since the year he claims he won it back in ’72. In all likelihood he is adorning one of his many Danger Run t-shirts that he has purchased along his years of glory. Complete with stretched-out neck hole and tattered seams. The fact of the matter is, Danger Run wasn’t even around then…what is he really babbling about? Don’t be fooled by his veteran antics. His experience may be helpful, but do not make the mistake of completely relying on him because the Danger Run always has new tricks up its sleeves and, for this reason, is impossible to master. This person may also be a Contender.
THE CONTENDER
Description: This is the Danger Runner that takes the game a bit too seriously. He/She can fall under many other categories listed as well (including the Tucker). However, from what we can tell this person’s sole purpose in life is to win the Danger Run. The Contender spends the entire year in anticipation of the chance to win first place on the Run and when it finally comes, his/her premature excitement causes an unbearable seriousness that is sure to consume your car. As a result, the fun of the game is ruined for everyone else. This guy only makes a good teammate if you hate fun. Beware!
THE BLABBER MOUTH
Description: For this person, we make reference to a method utilized on the Arguer. (You might prefer the suggested method of silencing the Complainer, but that may be a bit extreme in this case.) If you happen to be unfortunate enough to have a Blabber Mouth in the car you definitely want to make sure that you have that duct tape handy. This is the guy that will spend the entire drive talking non-stop about things that have no relevance to the game whatsoever. You’re trying to solve clues and he/she is talking about the great time he/she had waxing his/her upper lip hair. This is no doubt distracting, especially if you have that person who has to describe a boxing match in great detail (…a left, a right..). So, break out that tape.
THE STOW AWAY
Description: Upon leaving the start gate, there are two options that can occur with this scenario: 1) you pull over to the side of the road and pop your trunk and let another 3 people out as if you just hit the border or 2) you make a slight detour to pick up a few more teammates along the way. Unfortunately for your border hopping posse, you only purchased enough tickets to cover you and the other known passengers, the others, we are afraid, are just along for the ride. That is unless you anticipated the problem and bought an extra ticket for your hidden friend(s), in which case the entire concept of being hidden is pointless and also makes you and your stow aways a bit on the slow side. (By the way: Before you try the ever popular approach of making the plea “We have 5 people in the car, but were shorted 2 tickets at the Start Gate” at the first haunted house, please be advised that paperwork and audit procedures built in to our workflow will quickly debunk this amateur tactic). In either case, you’ll probably have a problem and we at the Danger Run don’t recommend this action. However, we also do not intend to play border patrol. So, just remember unless you want to be a temporary piece of automobile furniture you will need a ticket for the rest of the festivities.
DEAD WEIGHT
Description: Our final warning extends to all of you that manage to find the one guy that just sits there and stares out the window for the entire game and makes no contribution whatsoever. This person is lethargic with an unhappy scowl on his or her face and doesn’t even bother merely opening the clue book. No offer to help, no conversation, just eerie, depressing silence. Why would he/she choose to play a game and just drool on him/herself and leave forehead marks on your car windows? Its like trying to play chess with someone in a coma. If this happens to your car, make sure to quickly make this person a Drop Off because he/she will bring your entire night right down to the dreary, “emo” ambience in which they exist.
If you have your own stories to tell, stop by our Message Board and drop us a line. We'd love to hear stories about your trip on the run! Hope you enjoyed!
Danger Run 14... The Most Fun You’ve Ever Had in Your Car!
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